You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
