I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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