Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
