I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize