she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
