people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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