im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
