The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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