one might say we're banned from that church
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
