i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
