You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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