I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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