He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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