i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
