we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
