Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize