i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
