I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
