my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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