Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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