I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
