Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
