Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
