i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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