Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
