I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
