I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
