i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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