Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
