i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
