girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize