I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
