I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
