I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize