So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
