My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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