Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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