I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
