if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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