i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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