i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
