remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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