And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
