My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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