What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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