you traded sex for a burrito?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
