I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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