Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
