do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
