sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
