you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize