Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
