i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
