Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
