Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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