We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
