Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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