"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish i was in the wii world.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Mom said you looked used
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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