I am puke
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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