I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
