i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
