Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize