if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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