if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
