Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Of course I have a pirate flag
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
