guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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