I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize