she kept yelling 'call me bella'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I AM VODKA MAN
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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