glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
