We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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