The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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