wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
