Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
