have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Randomize
